The Gaijin Way
by iichan
Summary: Duo TRIES to use Japanese for Heero's sake... humor.
1. Word Choice 1

Heero and Duo were at a crime scene. They were witnessing the horrible slaughter of numerous human beings. There was blood and gore EVERYWHERE these people had not only been killed, they were tortured.

Duo was resigned to the fact that this sort of scene was somewhat regular in his kind of work. He had been determined to be partners with Heero, and by god, if that meant he had to stare at rotting corpses all day long… so be it.

After working with the man for years, finally becoming lovers last year, Duo was really excited that he was teaching himself Japanese. Sure, it would be easier just to ask Heero to teach him. Yet Heero Yuy is not known for his patience… that and the fact that if Duo said something wrong, He could rack it up to being a "stupid gaijin," sumimasen, "gaijin no baka desu."

Duo had been waiting all day to deliver his first line in Japanese to Heero. As they left the crime scene, Duo shivered dramatically and leaned into Heero to say: "Kawaii desu ne…"

Heero just stared.

A/N

I am currently enrolled in a Japanese class, and I gotta say that us gaijin say the most interesting things…

gaijin foreigner

gaijin no baka desu (he) is a stupid foreigner

sumimasen excuse me (sorry)

Kawaii desu ne isn't that cute?

Kowai desu ne isn't that scary? (What he meant to say)

DISCLAIMER

I don't own Gundam Wing… or the Japanese language.

and I'm really sorry about the title of this story, I know its totally ripping off that flop of a movie, I just thought it was fitting.

Most of these are mistakes I've made in the past, or I've heard other people say. It's supposed to be light humor, with just enough story plot for it not to get kicked off of always try to explain why the Japanese phrases Duo says are funny, but if there is confustion let me know.

Reviews (even flames) make my day… and they also make me feel guilty enough to keep on writing…

ENJOY


	2. Heero's Idea

Heero laid in bed looking at his sleeping lover, Duo.

Duo, of course, had been suitibly horrified that he had called that homicidal maniac's playground cute. In fact, Duo had been so horribly embarrassed that he had refused to comminicate with him at all that night, even to make love. This, of course, left Heero with a lively libido and a little too much time to think.

'Well, maybe if I wake him up and teach Duo a new Japanese word he'll forget all about his blunder, and make love with me.'

'Wait, no, that's a stupid idea… noway that would work…'

Or would it?

A/N

Sorry, I suddenly got the Dragon Ball Z narrator in my head, and couldn't resist.

You know...

"Last time on "The Gaijin Way" Duo made a verbal blunder. Will he recover? Find out next time on "The Gaijin Way." Insert guitar music here 


	3. yw

Light kisses covering his face is what woke Duo up. He slowly came into conscienceness, and the first thing he saw was his lover hovering over him.

"Ohayo gozaimasu." Heero called out to his groggy lover.

"Ohayo gozai..ugh, it's three in the morning."

Heero had to chuckle at the indignant noise Duo made.

"You know, what you said this afternoon wasn't soo bad."

"Heero. I called a murder scenen 'cute'"

Heero had a hard time suppressing a chuckle.

" It was a simple misproununciation… It happens more often than you think."

Duo snerked.

"Soo… you wanna learn a new Japanese word?"

Duo looked at the alarm clock for a good thirty seconds, wondering why his lover had woken his ass up at 3 am to teach him vocabulary. Finally he sighed.

"Sure."

"In Japanese the word for 'your welcome' is doitashimashite."

"huh?"

"Doitashimashite, you know, as in 'don't touch my mustache.'"

As soon as the words left Heero's lips, Dou was laughing so hard, he thought he was going to choke.

It took fifteen minutes to get Duo calmed down, and to say other things besides 'doitashimashite' and 'don't touch my mustache.' In the end, however, Heero got what he wanted. His lover had forgotten the earlier incident, and they made love.

A/N

That, my friends, is a very memorable phrase.

I remember where I first heard it: in the driveway of my best friend's house.

I remember where I first told I friend about it: years later in a crowded movie theater, my friend laughed so hard during a dramatic moment, that I'm pretty sure people thought she was crazy.

Now dou has a memorable moment with the phrase, and so do (maybe) you.

Thank you for reading!


	4. Hello

Duo woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast cooking. It would have been nice to sleep in a little bit more, but Commander Une wouldn't be too pleased if two of her best agents suddenly became slackers.

'Today is a new day, plenty of opportunities to try out my new Japanese vocabulary… hopefully without so many verbal blunders…'

He slowly eased himself out of bed, mentally preparing for morning greetings in japanese.

Now Duo had been looking at several online resources to learn Japanese, and he had to search for hours to find a way to say 'hello' without pointing out the time of the day.

Heero heard his groggy lover enter the kitchen. Initiating their morning kiss, Heero felt how tense Duo was. Duo finally took one step back from Heero, stood like he was getting ready for a fight and belted out with a grin:

"Hajimemashite!"

"uh… Duo…"

A/N

Hajimemashite really does mean 'hello', but more in the sense of 'how do you do?'

Hajimemashite can only be said to a person the first time you meet them.

Examples:

Hajimemashite. iichan desu. Douzo yoroshiku. (Hello. I'm iichan. Pleasure to meet you."

iichan desu. Hajimemashite. Douzo youroshiku. (My name is iichan, How do you do? Pleasure to meet you)

I _almost _made that mistake YEARS ago, because the self-teach book wasn't so clear about that. Just because a word _means_ something, doesn't make it the (linguistically) appropriate word for the situation.


	5. Slime Forest

Duo smirked to himself as he split another slime in half with his battle axe. He couldn't do a victory dance, however because another pack of slimes were coming his way, and meaning business.

Duo felt the hard stare of his lover as he whooped the ass of another band of slimes.

Heero was quite concerned for Duo, in his crazy search for bettering his Japanese. Yesterday, he had found this RPG game for learning hiragana, katakana, and Kanji. Apparently it was highly addiction, for Duo hadn't stopped playing for the last 20 hours.

Heero was feeling a little neglected.

All of a sudden Duo broke out in a string of cusses and looked directly at Heero, who just raised his left eyebrow.

"Geesh, Heero, GI just killed me."

…

Author's note:

Awesomeness is found at www. lrnj .com. It is called "slime forest." Out of all the times I had tried to memorize hiragana and katakana in high school, playing slime forest was the only one that actually worked. Maybe its something about not wanting the character for "wa" kill you that makes you remember it…

Honestly, though, I do recommend it for all of you who are trying to learn Japanese.


	6. oterai

Duo leaned heavily onto Heero as they left Lady Une's office. The last mission was hard on their body's as well as emotions.

"Mmm. Heero… Oterai ni ikitain desu kedo…"

Heero pulled Duo into a fierce hug, and kissed him on the forehead. This last mission was enough to make anyone want to go to a temple to pray.

"jyaa.. ashita, ikimashouka."

"Ashita? Heero. My bladder won't last another five minutes, let alone until tomorrow."

Author's note:

You have just been introduced to the happy world of Japanese puns.

Heero heard otera, which means budhist temple in Japanese.

What Duo MEANT to say was: ote**a**rai. Which is one of many ways to say toilet in Japanese. Though you're really much safer just using "toire."


	7. niwa

Duo always complained about him not having a sense of humor. So when he finally decided to have some fun at his partner's expense, it stung that he had been banished to the couch for a week.

Still, it was worth it to see the look on his face when he discovered the miniature shrine in the bathroom.

So as a result of the banishment to the couch, Heero wasn't exactly being supportive of Duo's weird obsession of learning Japanese at the moment.

"Stupid, grr, japanese. Why do you still need Kanji when you have both Hiragana and Katakana?"

"niwaniwaniwaniwa."

"…"

Author's note.

One of those 'wa' is actually a 'ha' but is pronounced 'wa'.

The sentence Niwanihaniwaniwa has the kanji for rooster, garden, and west in it. So it means "The rooster is in the west garden"

Just, you know, for the next time you are wondering why you are attempting kanji.

Special note: I demoted this fic from the original M rating it was at originally. The reason I put it at M was because I wasn't sure of the direction of this fic (there's direction?) I'm just saying that I'm not EVER going to make these scenes ANY more descriptive or involved than they already are. I happen to like this kind of writing style. (and so, apparently, do a lot of you)

Thanks for reading.


	8. Pun Goodness

"Heero, how did you come up with your name?"

::Silent glare::

"I mean, where did the original Heero Yui get his name from?"

"It's Japanese. A word pun for 'one.'"

"Really? It's a pun for 'ichi'?"

"No, the other word for one."

"Hitotsu?"

"No, the word 'one person' is 'hitori' in Japanese."

"It's a word play on hitori?... I still don't get it."

"Well the other half of is a pun for person."

"Person, as in ningen?"

"No. person as in 'hito.'"

"…"

"Nope still don't get it."

::sigh::

"First of all you do realize that the word 'hito' is in the word 'hitori'?"

"sure…"

"So you blend the two words together by starting with the 'hi' turning the to into 'ro' and keeping the 'I'"

"…"

"Hiroi… Hiro ii… Hiiro ui… Heero Yuy."

… "That's not a very good pun…"

A/N

::sigh:: This is what happens when you actually spend time thinking about Japanese puns. I mean, once you understand a Japanese pun it can be pretty witty, but this one was kind of just sad.

As for the exact meaning, since it takes the word one person and person, I guess the innuendo would be that he is the One person, person (or the one and only.)


	9. Death by culture

Heero came back to his and Duo's office with a bag of ice. Duo, for his part, was tenderly touching the rapidly forming bruise on his right eye.

"What happened?"

"I swear to god it wasn't my fault. He just went off the handle!"

"What did you do?"

"I found out it was Wufei's birthday today…."

"And?"

"And I tried to find something appropriate for the pissy dragon. But did he appreciate it? NO… he just got all white, then red and punched me!"

"What did you give him?"

"A really nice watch, okay?"

"…"

"I mean really, its just a watch, if he didn't like it he could have RETURNED it.. jeez…"

"Hn… maybe it was a cultural thing?"

"What? To punch someone when you receive a nice gift?"

"Maybe you should go to him and try to explain yourself…"

Duo just huffed in exasperation and ignored Heero. Later, however, he started to think that maybe it WAS a cultural thing and had nothing to do with the present. Sighing, he looked up and his eyes settled on his fruit bowl. He stood up and snagged a pear (for a 'peace offering' from the bowl, and went to find wufei.

Heero looked up from his work and murmered to himself, "Culture can be a painful thing for those who are ignorant of it…"

Author's note:

I JUST started taking Chinese language last week, so I'm not very good at it/don't know a lot about it. This was just a tidbit of Chinese culture my teacher told the class.

The clock thing: its pronounced zhong. The end is also pronounced zhong. Therefore it is in appropriate to give people clocks or watches because it makes them thing about the end (their death.)

Its kinda like saying, "Here. Die."

The pear thing: pear is pronounced li, the word for 'sever' is pronounced the same way. Therefore if you share a pear with someone, it symbolizes that your ties are going to be severed down the road.

Another funny thing about the word pear:

In Japanese the word pear is spelled ペー pee (pronounced peah).

When I was in Tokyo I saw a shirt that had a mad scientist on it drinking juice, and the shirt said:

"I love Pear (flavored juice.) You should drink it, you will like it too!"

BUT for about thirty seconds second I thought it said:

" I love pee! You should drink it, you will like it too!"


	10. Children are delicious

Duo and Heero were waiting in the Preventor's cafeteria when Duo spotted a bowl of fruit. 

"mmm... Oishii kodomo desu ne."

Heero just kind of whimpers...

A/N

OMFG...

KODOMO children

KUDAMONO fruit

This came up during my oral interview test with my sensei. I was TRYING to say: The Japanese give each other things like wine cheese and fruit. BUT it came out "The Japanese give each other things like wine cheese and children."


	11. Random

"Hey, Heero, how do you say "Random" in Japanese?"

"Randamu."

"You know like, "THAT's random" or "That's ODD.""

"Randamu."

"Randamu? Really? There isn't a better Japanese word for it?"

"hnn… WELL you could say "mezurashii" or "omoshirokoto"…"

A/N

Yay! This is just a little chapter explaining why I chose the title for my new story...

Mezurashii literally means rare or unusual. Omoshirokoto just means interesting thing.

Sorry, I don't update more often, but it depends on when funny things happen to/around me. Also, it depends on my laziness levels and actual inspiration to write down what amuses me for hours at a time. (I'm sorry but it never seems quite as funny as when I experienced it first hand… though that's probably just because I'm a bad writer.)

Another random conversation excerpt

"Hey look, its an iron horse… oh the irony."

"-.-; …:

Thank you local museum, now I only have to walk into your front lobby to die a little on the inside.


	12. Your Tomato

Heero was walking down the hallway toward the elevator with the intention of leaving work when he heard this:

"Yo tomato!"

Now that didn't make sense, but the voice was coming closer. So Heero started walking a little faster.

"Yo tomato!"

The person was speeding up as well. So Heero did the only thing he could do besides shoot them.

He turned around and asked,

"What tomato?"

Duo just blinked at him for a moment before blushing and mumbling,

"I thought that was the Japanese word for 'wait up.'"

A/N 1

Duo was trying to say "jyo to matte." I came across the 'yo tomato' when my best friend's mother admitted that she was always afraid that was what she was going to say.

A/N 2

I studying Chinese in China at the moment. I think I may abandon this fic and start a new one that has Duo trying to learn Chinese.

A/N 3

About 5 days after I arrived in China, I rescued some kittens from certain death. Now I am attached to them and I am scheming up ways to be able to afford to take them back to America with me. I found a 'pampered pet competition' read spoiled pet popularity contest. That will give 500 to the winner

So if you could go to my profile and click on the website and vote for me… preferable everyday, once a day until November 11th. My kitties would appreciate it.

If you are feeling extraordinarily helpful, would you embed my entry into your personal website/myspace/face book/live journal account etc. And tell all your friends to vote for me as well.

Thank you so much…


	13. Ikuzou

As Duo finished fiddling with the pins on his formal suit, he turned around to locate Heero. Heero was leaning against the wall near the door with his arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

Duo took a deep breath in, centered himself and said, "Ikuzou!"

"Ikuzou?" Heero replied. He started to chuckle sexily and continued, "Are you in the yakuza?"

"Oh shit! I meant 'Ikimashou.'"

Heero didn't stop chuckling as he stalked over to his boyfriend and lightly grabbed his biceps to prevent him from trying to run away. "No, no, it's sexy. Say it again!"

Duo, blushing brightly with embarrassment muttered softly, "Ikuzou…"

The words were barely out of his lips when another set enveloped his own. Hands were roving all over his newly pressed dress uniform.

"Heero, we're going to be late…"

"Say it again."

"Ikuzou…"

They never did make it to the event…

Author's Notes

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I finally, finally did it. After more than three years after my last Japanese course in college, I told my Japanese classmate (in my Chinese class.) "Ikuzou." Waaah. I'm so embarrassed!

The danger of using anime to brush up on/ learn Japanese is 1) if you are a boy you will speak like a girl and 2) if you are a girl you speak like a member of the yakuza. - which might sound cool on the surface, but it's unnaturally aggressive for a girl and it may make people (especially old ladies) scared of you.

Uh… in case I have lost anyone: Yakuza is the Japanese mob. Ikuzou means "let's go!" but in a form only used in anime, manga, and the Yakuza.

You should practice, "Ikimasu" (eee-key-mah-sue) or "Ikimashou!" (eee-key-mah-show) or "ikimasen ka?" (eee-key-mah-sen (pronounced like cen in central) - kah?)


End file.
